Beer 102: The Brewing Process

It will be particularly important that, come brew time, everyone involved hands-on with the project will have to know exactly what the Hell they're actually doing. The risk of batch contamination in an apartment housing four guys and a penguin is pretty substantial, and in the case of preventable loss of beer, I may be driven to stab somebody's eye out with a bottle capper.

The following procedure is extracted verbatim from the Dierksenkougan Beer Bible, AKA Marty Nachel's Homebrewing for Dummies. My comments are in brackets. Brownie points for those who borrow it from me for further instruction. Read on:

"The following list covers 24 steps that walk you all the way though the brewing process. Twenty-four steps may sound pretty intense, but I assure you they are easy, quick, and painless steps...Besides, when you're done, you brewed your first beer!

1. Fill your brewpot about 2/3 full with "clean" tap water or bottled water [we will use Culligan filtered water from Meijer. We don't want to be causing kidney stones] and then place it on the largest burner of your stove. ... The exact volume of water is not of great importance during this step, as the cold water that you add to the fermenter later brings the total to 5 gallons.

2. Set the burner on medium-high.

3. Remove the plastic lids from the kits and set the yeast packets aside.

4. Strip the paper labels off the 2 cans of extract [or however many cans we are using] and place the cans in a smaller pot or saucepan filled halfway with tap water. Place the pot or saucepan on another burner adjacent to the brewpot. ...

5. Set the second burner on medium.

6. ... Flip the cans in the warming water every couple of minutes.

[6.5. As this is happening, we will augment this very elementary procedure with the addition of specialty grains, which allow for a greater production variety of beer styles. To do this, we will use a mesh nylon baggie containing anywhere from half a pound to 2 pounds of specialty grain and steep the contents in a seperate saucepan containing hot, sub-boiling temperature water. After about 20 minutes of leeching the colors and flavors, the liquid will be transfered to the large saucepan and soon mixed with the extract.]

7. As the water in the brewpot begins to boil, turn off the burner from under the smaller pot (containing the cans), remove the cans from the water, and remove the lids from the cans.

8. Using a long-handled spoon or rubber spatula, scrape as much of the warmed extract as possible into the water in the brewpot.

9. Immediately , stir the extract/water solution and continue to stir until the extract is completely dissolved in the water. [Now you officially have "wort"] ...

10. Top off the brewpot with more clean...water, keeping your water a reasonable distance--about two inches--from the top of the pot to avoid boilovers.

11. Bring the wort to a boil (turn up burner if necessary).

12. Boil the wort for about an hour. [Never put the lid on the boil, and always stir the solution every couple of minutes]

[12.5. As the wort is boiling, since we will not be using pre-hopped extract, hops will be added, also steeping into the boiling wort. Bittering hops, the most essential, need at least one hour of boiling time, so they will essentially be added as soon as the wort begins to boil. Flavoring hops, added for secondary taste and less for their bitterness, need approximately 10 to 30 minutes of boil time. Finishing, or aromatic, hops are added in the last 5 minutes of the boil, and add a negligible amount of flavor, but instead make sure your beer smells discernably different from a dead rodent. Consumers appreciate this courtesy.] ...

13. When an hour has elapsed, turn off the burner and place the lid on the brewpot.

14. Put a stopper in the nearest sink drain [or bathtub], [and] put the covered brewpot in the sink and fill the sink with very cold water. ...

15. After 5 minutes, drain the sink and refill it -- as many times as is needed until the brewpot is cool to the touch.

[16. & 17. This part of the text details using dry yeast. Dierksenkougan will likely use liquid yeast, which comes in a "smack pack" and is prepared three days prior and refridgerated. It is ready to be added to the wort immediately upon brewing, and comes in a larger variety of styles and is less prone to bacterial contamination than dry yeast cultures.] ...

18. When the brewpot is relatively cool to the touch, remove the brewpot lid and carefully pour the wort into the fermentation bucket. Make sure the spigot is closed!

19. Top off the fermenter to the 5-gallon mark with cold, clean water, pouring it vigorously into the bucket. This splashing not only mixes the wort with the additional water, it also aerates the wort well. [Aerating the wort replaces oxygen, which the yeast need small amounts of to get a healty start. Soon, they will consume that oxygen and begin fermenting--violently] ...

20. Take a hydrometer reading. [A hydrometer measures the density of the fluid. This is important because as the yeast begin to ferment, they remove heavy sugars and replace them with lighter compounds like carbon dioxide and alcohol. As your density falls, your alcohol content rises, and every beer recipe has a projected final gravity (density) that tells you when to move onto secondary fermentation or bottling. If you don't wait long enough, your beer is too sweet and not alcoholic enough for you to be too drunk to care. Wait too long, and the yeast will run out of grain sugars and autolyze, or eat themselves, and produce a rotten-egg sulfur flavor that is best characterized as skunky.] ...

[21. Add yeast to wort. Shotgun a beer and give somebody a high-five Bayside style.]

22. Cover fermenter with its lid and thoroughly seal it. ...

23. Put the fermenter in a location in your home that is cool and dark, such as a basement, a crawlspace, or an interior closet.

24. ...Fill the airlock with water...and attach the rubber stopper."

!

Congratu-frickin'-lations if you got through that one, because there's 300 more pages where that came from. But it's all up here (points to head), and I'll be damned if I'll let anyone, informed or otherwise, screw up a single bottle of Dierksenkougan.

Next class: Beer 103: Secondary Fermentation and Bottling. Don't worry, it's a snap compared to this.

Your Brewmaster,
Sam Reese

PS. Shirt orders are in, so it's too late to take any more requests. They should be printed a week or two after Spring Break. Roll up your pennies and wash your best pair of jeans.

Beer 101: What is Beer?

Having been pleasantly surprised in the number of people actually keeping tabs on Dierksenkougan through this weblog, I've decided to start a series of tutorials to bring the Brew Crew and its affiliates to a moderate level of intuition on certain things concerning beer that, come brew time, will have to be common knowledge. And since it isn't too far from the truth to say that many Americans can't discern their favorite beer from animal urine, I'll discuss the barest and bonesiest of the basics, right here, right now.

What is beer?

Fundamentally, beer has four ingredients, and according to some beer purists, anything outside of these boundaries is another beverage altogether. To be beer, a beverage must contain malted grain barley, hops, yeast, and water. In fact, one of Germany's oldest laws concerns "pure" beer, and it is strongly enforced today, requiring beverages with additives beyond these four to legally refrain from labeling itself as "Bier" else they experience the fiery fist of the law.

Barley: Malted barley, needless to say, is absolutely essential. It is responsible for providing the malt sugars that in turn break down into alcohol. Additionally, it produces the color and underlying flavor of the beer, among countless other things. Barley, over corn or millet or rice et al., has proven the staple grain in beermaking, though wheat beers have grown extremely popular and rice, whether you knew it or not, is commonplace in cheap American lagers to replace barley, which is rather expensive in comparison.

Keeping in mind that this is an entry level tutorial, what you should know is that freshly picked barley from the stalk is unsuitable in producing beer. The barley must first be malted in a kiln to prepare its guts to be turned into sugar, and then that grain must be sent though a mill to separate the husk from the grain. The kilning is not generally the responsibility of the homebrewer, but the milling is, if you wish to pursue an advanced level of homebrewing that is, as of yet, beyond the scope of Dierksenkougan. More commonly, beginner and intermediate brewers will purchase malt extract, which has been separated from the husk, crushed, and mixed with water into a thick syrup and is ready for secondary heating and, subsequently, brewing. It has also undergone a process of mashing, which prepares and releases the sugars from the grain and makes the mixture sweet and thick--a process that advanced brewers typically perform themselves. This grain, which now more resembles molasses and crude oil, is now ready for another key ingredient.

Hops: Hops certainly have less chemical influence in beer than malt, but they are equally important in dynamics of character.



Malt and hops are said to be the ying and yang of beer's flavor; where malt provides the sweetness, hops provides a balancing amount of bitterness, helping cover the flavor of alcohol in the finished product. Beyond bittering, hops (which are plants distantly related to marijuana that look like small, green pinecones) add spice and adjunct flavors to the beer, depending on which specially produced strain you decide to use. Less importantly, they are responsible for the aroma of the beverage, and more scientifically, act as bacterial inhibitors and natural clarifying agents for the wellbeing of your brew. No, beer cannot be brewed without hops (Timmy), and if what you hate about beer is its nagging bitterness, understand that hops are a necessary component in keeping beer from tasting like maple syrup and dirt.

Yeast: As equally essential as malt on the scientific front, yeast is what makes beer both intoxicating and effervescent. Yeah, alcoholic and carbonated. Yeast, as rudimentarily as possible, uses the malt sugars as food in absense of oxygen, producing, fortunately for us, carbon dioxide and ethanol (alcohol) as a by-product. In the brewing process, yeast is treated like a princess, kept at proper temperature and catered to in every manner. Bad or weak yeast can succomb to an overpowering propegation of wild yeasts or bacteria, effectively rendering your beer undrinkable. Thousands of yeast strains are used in beermaking, and each has been specially crafted over time to best fit certain beer styles, fermentation temperatures, and additive ingredients. For example, you would most certainly use a different yeast strain for a honey lager and an Irish stout, and you would probably use a different strain for an Irish stout and an English porter, though closely related.

Potentially, yeast can be used forever, skimmed off the surface before bottling your first batch and revitalized for a second, and so forth, until you screw up and kill the buggers. Since that idea sounds rather unappealing, I am suggesting that Dierksenkougan use new yeast in every batch and let our little friends rest in peace at the end of each brewing cycle, lest they become overworked and make us a nasty batch of brew.

Water: There would seem to be very little that can be said of beer's last ingredient, but water is phenomenally important to making the perfect brew. While most information regarding water is beyond the scope of the average introductory tutorial, it is essential to know that professional brewers spend thousands of dollars emulating water from different sites around the world, acknowledging that mineral and ion levels in certain water sources contribute to the unique flavors of their respective beers. Levels of chlorine, iron, calcium, and phosphate in water make significant differences in the "brewability" of water, as well as flavor quality and things like head retention (foam) and mouthfeel (physical characteristics like carbonation, thickness, and aftertaste). This is why it is not advisable to brew with distilled water; the natural mineral ions in groundwater promote a healthy atmosphere for living yeast cells. Distilled water, however, contains very little of these precious minerals, hindering growth and often paralyzing the progress of your brew.

There.

I imagine that is enough information for now, but every week or so, for your benefit and my own review, I will update the Brewlog with "Beer 101" tutorials, so that hopefully by September, we will all know the ins and outs of homebrewing enough to understand and appreciate the final product a little bit more. If you made it this far in this post, you're as serious as I am, and it's nice to not be alone...

Your Brewmaster,
Sam Reese

Last Call

This is officially the last call for putting in requests for Dierksenkougan Brew Crew T-Shirts. This is more than likely the first, last, and only time we will print these bad boys and they're yours for a steal at only $8.00. By tomorrow at midnight we need a final list to get these out before or around Spring Break. If you want one:

a. Send me an email at ignitehardcore@hotmail.com, or
b. Send me a message on thefacebook.com, or
c. Leave a comment right here on the Brewlog

Include your size and, if you want more than one, how many. Again, the basic design can be found here, but remember the final colors and detail will vary slightly. Once the order is filed we will have to collect your money (perhaps even before), the logistics of which we have not yet figured out. But be assured you'll read it here when it has been sorted through.

This way we can get people asking questions about Dierksenkougan and make a few people curious.

By the way, there's a homebrewing seminar being offered by a brewer from Arcadia Brewing Company (Michigan based) that is being held at The Gibbs House at 4503 Parkview Ave. (East of Drake Rd.) this Saturday from 12:00 - 4:00. Because of commitments I will not be able to attend, but somebody from the Brew Crew should go and represent DK (and take notes!). It was on the front page of the Western Herald, so it may or may not be a big deal. I know I'm bummed I can't be there.

And there aren't free samples, which probably destroyed all chances of getting anybody to go that was still considering.

Remember, Shirts=Free Beer,
The Brewmaster

Possession with Intent to Brew

Though homebrewing suppliers are legally allowed to sell supplies and non-alcoholic ingredients to persons under 21, the final decision is left at the discretion of the retailer. I emailed ThingsBeer today to clarify their policy, and I will amend this post with that information as soon as they respond.

Cross your fingers,
Sam

DERK - SIN - KOO - GINN

What's so hard about a silly name? You don't say Budweiser like they wrote "Say It Ain't So" just like you don't rhyme Michelob with boob. So what should be coming out of your mouth when you say Dierksenkougan actually rolls off the tongue quite nicely, if you can manage to say it right:

DERK - SIN - KOO - GINN

That means if you're pronouncing it with six syllables and therefore sound like a drunken Scot, you are wrong and probably can't read. But I suppose I have to offer the benefit of the doubt, because it isn't like Dierksenkougan was chosen systematically or based on some greater meaning. But there is a traceable origin. Dierksenkougan is the pride and joy of a certain Kathryn Rozich, the combined hybrid of her favorite male and female names; respectively, Dierks and Kougan. The real question is if naming your daughter Kougan could be legally construed as child abuse. The name had a certain ring, so we made it a single word of, until now, ambiguous descent.

'Dierks,' an alternate spelling of 'Dirks' or just "Dirk," draws its heritage from an ancient Germanic leader of the same name. Today, 'Dierks' can be roughly translated to "ruler" or "king." Cool.

Cool is not the case with Kougan. We find 'Kougan' in several dialects of Japanese, and according to this site of compromised credibility, it means anything from audacity to rosy cheeks to male genitalia, none of which are particularly appropriate terms for describing a beverage. This is why Dierksenkougan will never be popular in Tokyo. "King of Balls" just doesn't demand the same degree of respect as "King of Beers."

Well Drinks & Well Wishes,
Your Brewmaster

A Festival of Flavors

Despite the nearly exclusive consumption of American lagers in this fine country, I wanted to clarify just exactly what sort of beverage will bear the Dierksenkougan name, because if you were expecting something between Old Milwaukee and bathtub hooch, you're about to get a lesson in fine brew. While I don't pretend to think that my familiarity of beer styles by taste is extensive, I do have a few favorites that will occupy my first few batches. As a caveat, this projection may and probably will change as September ever so slowly creeps nearer.

Dierksenkougan Rachel: Red Ale.
Bears likeness to Killian's Irish Red, except that it is an ale. The difference is, fundamentally, that Ales use top fermenting yeast and lagers use bottom fermenting yeast. What that means as a general rule for flavor is that lagers are smoother and generally more watery, with fewer hop characteristics (bitterness) and less essence of grain. Lagers also need to be refrigerated during fermentation (an issue I will bring up shortly). Rachel should be medium to rich red in color, with a suppressed hop flavor, but the specialty roasted barley malts will seep through. This should be drinkable by quantity, likely containing a normal alcohol content and resembling any old American lager but with a better aftertaste and a more sophisticated, slightly fuller flavor.

Dierksenkougan MacKenzie: Scotch Ale.
My first and only Scotch Ale was Founder's Brewery's Dirty Bastard. This beer has a big kick of both alcohol and flavor, and probably shouldn't be heavily consumed for risk of liver failure. Excess grain sugars and chocolate malts help bring out natural sweetness, but the kicker is that MacKenzie, when bottled, will be primed with a shot of scotch in place of regular dextrose. The leftover yeast cells use the sugars in this scotch as they would with the dextrose to produce carbon dioxide inside the sealed bottle and a negligible extra amount of alcohol. This adds the complexity of scotch into an original brown ale, the sweetness balanced by lots of additional hops to really fill the mouth with flavor.

Dierksenkougan Jasmine: IPA (India Pale Ale).
Another full-flavored beer, and definitely an acquired taste. Don't expect much for sweetness in this one; instead, IPAs are tremendously hopped to subdue an equally evident alcoholic character. Historically, IPAs were special formula English ales developed during the colonization of India. To survive the long journey by boat, yeast activity had to be controlled as to avoid spoilage or autolysis (yeast eating itself, causing sulfur-like flavors in the beer; think rotten eggs). To do this, alcohol content was increased, effectively killing the yeast. Then hops were added en masse to counterbalance the alcohol presence, resulting in a brew that lingers in the back of the mouth and throat, often with mild oak flavors to emulate the characteristic formerly acquired by gentle sloshing in oak barrels. Jasmine is a beer to be drank slowly, one at a time, and over a meal because it truly possesses a comparable complexity to good wine.

Dierksenkougan Shannon: Traditional Irish Stout.
Think Guinness or, more appropriately, Mackeson Stout. Shannon is all Irish attitude, full bodied, thicker, and opaque black, but don't expect the punch generally credited to dark ales. This stout, like most, has a relatively diminished alcohol content which allows the chocolate and dark caramel characteristics room to breathe. Shannon should go down like an elixir, with little to no bitterness and all the subtle malt character as possible. If you pride yourself on your Irish heritage, you should be able to drink this shit like water.

Dierksenkougan Hannah: Honey Lager.
Hannah is the only lager on the lineup for one very important reason: required refrigeration. With very few exceptions, lagers require fermentation temperatures only sustainable via thermostat, something of which the Brew Crew is not yet in possession. If you have an old fridge or know somebody who does, please let me know. Attaching a thermostat is cheap and easy, but a refrigerator is required to make lagers and we could really use the donation. Hannah should closely resemble Honey Brown, an extremely drinkable, tantalizingly smooth, subtly sweet lager, and we should be able to knock this stuff back by the gallon. If we can get the fridge, this will be a house favorite, I guarantee it.

Want something else? Let me know and we'll brew it up. Do some research, make a recipe, and it could be a winner. On that note, I suppose my ultimate goal is to be the youngest brewer to ever be recognized with a prize at the American Homebrewing Association nationals, like the Beer Oscars. I also want to drive down the street in a Caterham Classic 7 surrounded by beautiful women who think brewing your own beer is sexy. Neither of these things will ever happen.

Well Drinks and Well Wishes,
The Brewmaster

The Bob Barker Formula

There have been concerns about whether homebrewing is more economical than drinking mass quantities of Natural Light as an alternative. Issues of beer quality and bias toward shitty beer aside, I'll try to flesh this out mathematically (which, I warn you, is not my strong suit).

A "batch" of homebrew is 5 gallons, or 640 ounces, or roughly 53 bottles of beer, rounding down. Cheap, potable beer (Miller or Bud) at regular sale price sells for roughly $15.00 (including deposit) per case of 24, and that's being conservative. PBR or Natty is cheaper, sure, but I think it's also known to cause blindness. At 288 ounces per case, there are 2.2 cases in a batch of homebrew. Ingredients for a complete batch of all-malt homebrew (the kind we will make) run, depending on your beer style, for an average of $23.25 per batch, and American lagers are even more inexpensive. These ingredient kits are all-inclusive and even include extra crowns to cap your bottles.

Ounce for ounce, homebrew will cost 3.6 cents/oz. while store beer sells at roughly 5.2 cents/oz., saving Dierksenkougan about 31%, or just under $10.00 per batch, for beer of higher quality, better taste, and more flavors and styles. Use this formula for Guinness or Killian's and the price gap is even wider.

"But wait," you say. "What about the original investment?" Easy. Previously logged as approximately $125.00, the Dierksenkougan start-up cost will actually be around $150.00 to $175.00, provided nothing is donated to the cause and all equipment, including a kettle and over 100 refillable bottles, are bought new from thingsbeer.com. Shipping is of little concern, as the Brew Crew will be visiting Things Beer in person Early August to purchase supplies.

Since driving to Munchie Mart and buying Beast doesn't exactly require "start-up," we have to make up this deficit by brewing 15-18 total batches of beer (at $10.00 savings per batch). Our plan at this date is to be putting out at least two batches every month, and our sincere hope is that nothing goes terribly wrong to pollute a batch and render it undrinkable. At that rate, we will break even in approximately 7 to 9 months, at which point the Dierksenkougan legacy will be only beginning.

That's the math, with as many factors included as possible, and cold hard proof that this is, from an economical viewpoint, a smart idea.

Fun fact: Quoted from http://www.beertown.org/statutes/michigan.htm. "On December 2, 1997, Governor John Engler signed House Bill 4850. This new law permits homebrewing and allows homebrewers to give away up to 20 gallons of their brew." In addition, there is a federal law on homebrewing (one of very few) which limits production to 100 gallons of homebrew per year per person, or 200 gallons per household. Pushing that threshold will probably prove rather difficult, yet if we do, we can rest soundly in the fact that no person has been arrested or fined for homebrewing in twenty years. May we not break that trend.

Cheers,
The Brewmaster

Men Working

I'm taking HTML into my own hands to make this page a little more professional with unique graphics and colors and such. So expect it to chameleon occasionally.

The Brewmaster

A Model Beer

Ridiculous. Go to the Dierksenkougan Photoshoot to see more.

On a similar note, that's a prototype label on the bottle. Add some color and texture, and put it on real label paper with waterproof ink (instead of scotch tape and printing sheets) and you have a presentable brew that doesn't look like it was siphoned from a bathtub.

Na zdrowie! (That's Polish for "I'm ashamed of my nationality." Not really.)
Sam Reese, Brewmaster

Things Legal & Things Beer

I must be 21 to:
- Purchase alcoholic beverages.
- Possess alcoholic beverages.
- Consume alcoholic beverages.

But apparently I don't have to be 21 to:
- Purchase brewing equipment.
- Purchase beer ingredients (grain, yeast, hops, and water, essentially).

In fact, beer only really becomes beer shortly after pitching the yeast, then only after that yeast consumes the small amount of available oxygen in the fermentor. Then you have alcohol, more specifically ethanol, the kind of alcohol they shoot and kill minors like you and me for having.

Fuck the police.

So when the yeast start pooping out sweet, intoxicating alcohol, I suppose we can claim that Timmy "owns" it, since he'll be 21. The real problem is convincing the cops that between four guys in the house, only the skinny kid is drinking 10 gallons of beer a month. Over 1200 ounces. Like 5 cases. All for Timmy.

Related to this point (read: pointless) is that Dierksenkougan has found a worthy supplier of equipment and ingredients. Here she is:

Things Beer
2582 M-52
North Webberville, MI 48892
(517) 521-BEER
thingsbeer@michiganbrewing.com
thingsbeer.com
The idea is that I'll make an investment in a starter kit, more than likely one with a lot of fancy things with fancy names that I don't particularly need. For personal reference, I'm compiling a list of equipment, some items in which you may realize you have laying around your house, waiting to reborn as pawns in our project to produce intoxicants. If this is the case, let me know. I will repay you in sweet, delicious beer. And go:

5 gallon stainless steel or copper boiling kettle
Two 5 or 6 gallon glass carboys
6.5 gallon food-grade plastic bottling bucket with airtight lid and spigot drain
Fermentation lock with drilled stopper
12 oz. amber bottles, oxygen-absorbing crowns, and bottle capper
Thermometer
Hydrometer
Thief (sampling device)
Carboy handle
Bottle washer and sink adapter
5' of 3/8'' tubing
Bottle brush
Racking cane
Funnel and strainer
Carboy brush

Et al. These things aren't particularly expensive, just the kettle, the carboys, and the bucket, and the assloads of bottles. But it all adds up. Startup: $125.00. I like to think of it as an investment in my future. And my future is looking woozy and filled with drunken usage of AIM.

Expect these materials to be in my possession come this August, being moved in with care into the apartment. Before I unpack my first box of clothes, I hope to High Kraeusen (obscure brewing reference) I'm standing before a bubbling fermentor that has been utterly devirginized. And pregnant with 54 bottles of beer.

Bottoms Up,
Sam Reese, Brewmaster

Baby Names

My most brainstormed idea of freshman year, the creation of a "Women of Western" photo-calandar, was undeniably rad. But when the new baby named Dierksenkougan was born, we sort of locked that other kid in the attic for a few months and forgot about him.

And before he returns, let me explain my ultimate dream to add some context to how these two things relate:

I think more than teaching high school or college, I want to own my own brewpub one day, somewhere in a college town, maybe out East. And there I want to brew Dierksenkougan until I reek of barley and hops and serve it to beer-savvy college kids with a side of spicy chicken wings or some other complimentary dish. So I started internalizing my brewpub, modeling it similar to a place in Bellaire, MI. I think it's called "Small's," but I could be wrong. Wood floors and bar, a lot of couches and seating areas, and another room with a raised stage for performances. All kinds of little, unimportant details, which float down this big brain river into an amazing cohesion of past and present...What would I name the beers?

Why not human names? Instead of "Pumpkin Pie Pizzazz" or something equally retarded, let's name Dierksenkougan after women. Women that represent in life with their beer represents in flavor and style. Let me exemplify. Take a barley wine (its not really wine, look it up), something rich and sweeter than most beers, but a beverage that packs one Hell of an alcoholic punch (think an alcohol by volume ratio of 2:1 with American lagers). Intense, satisfying, and intoxicating. This beer is a brunette, one that wears a lot of makeup. One that will kick you in the nuts if you get to serious.

This beer is a slut.

Now exercizing some discretion toward naming names out of bias (which I could), the beer has to have an appropriate name. It could be an Ashley, a Roxy, et al. I personally like Vicki, because I've never met a Vicki before, and I imagine that if I did, she would be skanky.

And so the process continues. Dierksenkougan Shannon, an Irish Stout. Hannah, a Honey Lager. You gather the pattern...

This is when the freshman concept of thinking with my penis arrived at a startlingly logical conclusion: Vicki, Shannon, and Hannah could be real people. They could be campus females, camera-friendly models who would love a VIP tab at the bar. Then other guys thinking with their penises would come to the bar and meet these women, knowing that they will probably be at the brewpub Saturday night drinking for free. Their faces will be on the wall, big backlit white canvases of beautiful women advertising great beer. Undeniably good business.

~

There are plenty more names in the making, and I'd love to hear suggestions. Know someone that reminds you of a certain beer? Or the other way around? Let me know. Until then...

Bottoms Up,
Sam Reese, Brewmaster

Dierksenkougan Brew Crew T-Shirts

After over a month of layout, design, and learning Adobe Photoshop, I have worked in cooperation with Michelle DeFouw, our resident Printing Major, to create the official logo for the Dierksenkougan Brew Crew official T-shirts.

They are regular maroon tees with gold text and black artwork. A close design can be found here, but the colors and resolution will vary slightly. The back says "Brew Crew" in the same font. Classy.

They will be hot off the press sometime around Spring Break, and if you want one, you should either email me at ignitehardcore@hotmail.com or Michelle at michelle_eliza@hotmail.com. They should price around $8.00, which will pay for itself with all the free beer you'll get when you wear it to the quads next year. Include size and quantity.

Bottoms Up,
Sam Reese, Brewmaster

Brewer's Log: First Entry

Since its beginning as just another dumb idea sparked by a CollegeHumor.com link, I have obviously grown rather fond of the art, process, and prospect of brewing my own unique beer. Now, after five months of studying, planning, designing, and window shopping, Dierksenkougan Microbrew, it seems, is destined to become what we probably never would have imagined.

A reality.

So I am publishing this weblog as an issue of personal interest. While not exactly from day one, my desire is to document the minute details of this project so as to legitimatize the entire journey; in a way, writing about Dierksenkougan will more than likely make me want to act on the ideas I create, research the questions I have, and appreciate the effort I put in, so when (read: if) this endeavor becomes, over some time, an important part in some form of my adult life, I have my own words to contextualize the steps I took to get there.

And as Dierksenkougan is slowly becoming the brainchild of more than just myself, I am choosing to make public whatever I write herein, because in even six short months from now, this project will be being executed by a significant number of individuals who are as excited as I am to cook up the first batch and watch it bubble in the fermenter into something both literally and figuratively intoxicating. And potable, hopefully.

Being five months behind on this thing is like forgetting to videotape your child's first steps, but I plan on making up for lost time in the very near future. Until then...

Bottoms Up,
Sam Reese, Brewmaster