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Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Things Legal & Things Beer

I must be 21 to:
- Purchase alcoholic beverages.
- Possess alcoholic beverages.
- Consume alcoholic beverages.

But apparently I don't have to be 21 to:
- Purchase brewing equipment.
- Purchase beer ingredients (grain, yeast, hops, and water, essentially).

In fact, beer only really becomes beer shortly after pitching the yeast, then only after that yeast consumes the small amount of available oxygen in the fermentor. Then you have alcohol, more specifically ethanol, the kind of alcohol they shoot and kill minors like you and me for having.

Fuck the police.

So when the yeast start pooping out sweet, intoxicating alcohol, I suppose we can claim that Timmy "owns" it, since he'll be 21. The real problem is convincing the cops that between four guys in the house, only the skinny kid is drinking 10 gallons of beer a month. Over 1200 ounces. Like 5 cases. All for Timmy.

Related to this point (read: pointless) is that Dierksenkougan has found a worthy supplier of equipment and ingredients. Here she is:

Things Beer
2582 M-52
North Webberville, MI 48892

(517) 521-BEER
thingsbeer@michiganbrewing.com
thingsbeer.com
The idea is that I'll make an investment in a starter kit, more than likely one with a lot of fancy things with fancy names that I don't particularly need. For personal reference, I'm compiling a list of equipment, some items in which you may realize you have laying around your house, waiting to reborn as pawns in our project to produce intoxicants. If this is the case, let me know. I will repay you in sweet, delicious beer. And go:

5 gallon stainless steel or copper boiling kettle

Two 5 or 6 gallon glass carboys
6.5 gallon food-grade plastic bottling bucket with airtight lid and spigot drain
Fermentation lock with drilled stopper
12 oz. amber bottles, oxygen-absorbing crowns, and bottle capper
Thermometer
Hydrometer
Thief (sampling device)
Carboy handle
Bottle washer and sink adapter
5' of 3/8'' tubing
Bottle brush
Racking cane
Funnel and strainer
Carboy brush

Et al. These things aren't particularly expensive, just the kettle, the carboys, and the bucket, and the assloads of bottles. But it all adds up. Startup: $125.00. I like to think of it as an investment in my future. And my future is looking woozy and filled with drunken usage of AIM.

Expect these materials to be in my possession come this August, being moved in with care into the apartment. Before I unpack my first box of clothes, I hope to High Kraeusen (obscure brewing reference) I'm standing before a bubbling fermentor that has been utterly devirginized. And pregnant with 54 bottles of beer.

Bottoms Up,
Sam Reese, Brewmaster

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