Baby Names

My most brainstormed idea of freshman year, the creation of a "Women of Western" photo-calandar, was undeniably rad. But when the new baby named Dierksenkougan was born, we sort of locked that other kid in the attic for a few months and forgot about him.

And before he returns, let me explain my ultimate dream to add some context to how these two things relate:

I think more than teaching high school or college, I want to own my own brewpub one day, somewhere in a college town, maybe out East. And there I want to brew Dierksenkougan until I reek of barley and hops and serve it to beer-savvy college kids with a side of spicy chicken wings or some other complimentary dish. So I started internalizing my brewpub, modeling it similar to a place in Bellaire, MI. I think it's called "Small's," but I could be wrong. Wood floors and bar, a lot of couches and seating areas, and another room with a raised stage for performances. All kinds of little, unimportant details, which float down this big brain river into an amazing cohesion of past and present...What would I name the beers?

Why not human names? Instead of "Pumpkin Pie Pizzazz" or something equally retarded, let's name Dierksenkougan after women. Women that represent in life with their beer represents in flavor and style. Let me exemplify. Take a barley wine (its not really wine, look it up), something rich and sweeter than most beers, but a beverage that packs one Hell of an alcoholic punch (think an alcohol by volume ratio of 2:1 with American lagers). Intense, satisfying, and intoxicating. This beer is a brunette, one that wears a lot of makeup. One that will kick you in the nuts if you get to serious.

This beer is a slut.

Now exercizing some discretion toward naming names out of bias (which I could), the beer has to have an appropriate name. It could be an Ashley, a Roxy, et al. I personally like Vicki, because I've never met a Vicki before, and I imagine that if I did, she would be skanky.

And so the process continues. Dierksenkougan Shannon, an Irish Stout. Hannah, a Honey Lager. You gather the pattern...

This is when the freshman concept of thinking with my penis arrived at a startlingly logical conclusion: Vicki, Shannon, and Hannah could be real people. They could be campus females, camera-friendly models who would love a VIP tab at the bar. Then other guys thinking with their penises would come to the bar and meet these women, knowing that they will probably be at the brewpub Saturday night drinking for free. Their faces will be on the wall, big backlit white canvases of beautiful women advertising great beer. Undeniably good business.

~

There are plenty more names in the making, and I'd love to hear suggestions. Know someone that reminds you of a certain beer? Or the other way around? Let me know. Until then...

Bottoms Up,
Sam Reese, Brewmaster